Love Beyond Borders: Reimagining The South Asian Wedding
At their core, traditional South Indian weddings are a celebration of friendship and the joining of souls. This sentiment was honored by Shriya Samavai, the founder of clothing label SAMAVAI, and Jack Wilding, a PhD candidate of seismology and volcanology at the California Institute of Technology, at their Los Angeles wedding last May. As a queer, interracial couple, the pair were determined to embody age-old wedding rituals in their own beautifully unique way.
The couple met at Columbia University when Jack, a freshman, was rushing Alpha Delta Phi, a co-ed frat that Shriya had already been a part of for two years. The frat was created as a literary society and was a haven for queer people, people of color, and those who loved the arts. As a non-binary South Asian at a predominantly white institution, Shriya tells me that this was a much needed community for them. “I immediately noticed him because he was so tall,” Shriya says, “He just looked really sweet. We started just hanging out as friends and then over the summer after he became a member, we just got attached.” Bonding over their mutual love of jazz, their similar senses of humor, design, and architecture, the two shared almost a decade long relationship before tying the knot.
“When we first met, Jack had a jazz show on WKCR, Columbia’s radio station, and his slot was in the wee hours of the morning, something like 1-3am. On nights that I was up late studying, I’d call him on the phone and keep him company,” Shriya reminisces, “We would chat between tracks and he’d tell me what he was about to play next, and I’d tell him about whichever art history exam I was studying for.” This foundation of companionship would be echoed in the very structure of their wedding, built around not just their love, but the communities that embraced them.
In the summer of 2022, Shriya resized their grandmother’s 25th wedding anniversary ring, a piece just short of 50 years old. Shriya laughs as they tell me how they gave it to Jack so he could eventually return it to them with a proposal, which took place at a jazz show in New York that summer. The wedding planning that ensued was deeply personal, experimental, and authentic to the couple and their families, who have cultivated a strong bond over the years. “I feel very fortunate that our parents have a really good relationship with each other…I think having two families coming from very different cultures can often be like oil & water. Jack’s family has been so welcoming of our culture, our traditions, our quirks,” says Shriya.
With careful attention to every aspect—from attire and rituals to the selection of queer and POC vendors—the wedding was a seamless fusion of South Asian heritage and contemporary Western elements. Shriya, being the founder of a gender-fluid clothing label, was intentional about the symbolism in their outfits. They aimed for pieces that felt like a natural extension of their identity and heritage, a reflection of their South Asian roots without adhering to rigid gender norms. SAMAVAI was born from Shriya’s desire to connect with their heritage but feeling pigeonholed by gendered South Asian garments. Since the age of fourteen, Shriya fluctuated between presenting themselves in ways that are considered more traditionally feminine or masculine, experimenting with hair and clothing.
Shriya recalls being inspired by how their grandparents dressed. “They were all very stylish in saris with gorgeous eye makeup and funky hairdos, and my grandpa would wear these high waisted pants with a button down and bell bottoms.” Feeling a deeply intimate connection to garments, fabrics, and the stories they hold, Shriya was committed to creating gender affirming pieces that drew from South Asian textiles and patterns. “I take the fabric but put it in a silhouette that makes me feel good in my body,” Shriya says. This is how the SAMAVAI quintessential button-down shirt was created, made from the fabric of traditional saris. The East-West blend of Shriya’s sartorial identity was upheld in their wedding outfits.
For the wedding, the couple focused heavily on inclusivity and allyship within their vendor selection. These vendors were more than just providers; they were part of the couple’s extended community, carefully chosen to contribute to the celebratory and gender affirming atmosphere. “I had my protective group,” Shriya says. Each vendor was handpicked to reflect the couple’s values, from DJ Keelez and her all-female agency to Pyro Xolo, a queer makeup artist, and Gray Hong, a nonbinary floral artist. Their creative team also included Jenna Powers and her husband David as photographers, Ekta Desai as the mehendi artist, and Shriya’s best friend Clare, who created all the art for the wedding.
Shriya and Jack’s Sangeet night.
On the night of the Sangeet, Shriya wears an Aisha Rao salwar kameez, Intentionally Blank boots, and a crystal bag from Kara. Jack wears a Sabyasachi kurta and vest, and Pratap sandals.
The celebrations kicked off with a Sangeet in the backyard of a Malibu home, where the moonlit ocean provided a stunning backdrop for the festivities. This evening was filled with newlywed games, speeches, and a dandiya performance by the UCLA Raas team. The groom was dressed in a Sabyasachi kurta and vest, and his counterpart wore an Aisha Rao salwar kameez. “When I saw the salwar set I felt like it had been made for me,” Shriya says. They paired the salwar with silver heeled boots from Intentionally Blank, adding a retro twist to the ensemble. “It was imperative to me that I still felt like myself, unapologetically queer and nonbinary, even if most of the crowd didn’t know that about me,” Shriya continues, “After years of compromising my comfort, in every outfit I really felt like I was fully embodied and not holding back.”
The couple marries at the Malibu Hindu Temple. Shriya wears a gold sari from Raw Mango, their full look paying homage to Tamil Poet-Saint Sri Andal. Jack wears a white silk veshti and kurta.
The next day, the couple married at the Malibu Hindu Temple, embedded in the Santa Monica Mountain range, which they had been frequenting since their move to Los Angeles in 2020.
Shriya’s wedding look was a love letter to their ancestors, but also a reclamation of their own nonbinary identity. "I wanted to draw inspiration from Andal," they say, referring to the Tamil poet-saint who is often revered in South Indian weddings, and a figure worshipped in Shriya’s spiritual practice. They wore a Raw Mango gold sari, fresh jasmine in their hair, a necklace made of gold coins called a kaasu maalai, which originally belonged to their great grandmother, a headpiece or thalai saman, gifted to Shriya by their paternal grandmother, a bejeweled septum ring, a waist chain known as ottiyanam, and silver anklets or kolusu with bells, which Shriya always wore as a child. “I felt adorned and very protected,” Shriya says.
Second ceremony outfits: Shriya wears a traditional Tamil madisar, or 9-yard sari. Jack wears a traditional panchakacham veshti.
Navigating the wedding ceremony itself proved to be a challenge. The couple struggled with how to withdraw patriarchal undercurrents from traditional Hindu rituals, which adhere to strong gender binaries. Shriya also acknowledges the casteist framework that these traditional rituals were set in. “I really struggle with how much casteism and misogyny Hinduism holds. I am still learning how to navigate my identity as a person who experiences marginalization and also comes from a lot of caste privilege. Whereas the spiritual practices that I was raised with come from a place of devotion and love for the divine, the structure that those practices are within are built upon the subjugation of others.”
Shriya tells me that embodying their gender identity with family is an ongoing journey. “The traditional Hindu ceremony that we participated in is patriarchal. And that was really hard for me. It was really hard to figure out a balance between, What do I do to affirm myself and affirm my relationship with Jack? But then also, How do I meet the traditions of my family? And meet the practices that have been happening for generations and generations? Especially because I'm so keen on feeling connected to my grandparents and my ancestors – that feels very empowering to me.” They go on to say that the hardest part was that this hasn’t really been done before.
Despite this, the couple created a beautiful blend of tradition and originality in their wedding rituals, relying very much on perspective in the face of restrictive ideologies. “The way I handled the misgendering during the ceremony was by thinking about the purpose of the rituals,” says Shriya, “They are not about the body, they are about the soul, our atma. Our souls do not experience erasure, marginalization, dysphoria, or rejection, the way that our bodies do. It was uncomfortable at moments but the purpose was a union of souls, in this life and others, and I look forward to the day that our rituals are more inclusive.” The ceremony included the Malai Matral, an exchange of garlands, the Oonjal, or swing ceremony, representing the deities Sri Andal and Ranganathan, Mangalya Dharanam, where Jack tied a Thali around Shriya’s neck, and the Saptapadi, or seven steps, each one representing a vow the couple made to each other:
1. Let us provide for our household, stay in good health and carry out our duties and responsibilities to each other, our families, and our tradition.
2. Let us develop our mental and spiritual powers.
3. Let us increase our wealth and comfort by righteous and proper means.
4. Let us acquire knowledge, happiness and harmony by mutual love, respect, and trust.
5. Let us be blessed with a contended family of strong, virtuous, and heroic children.
6. Let us be blessed with long lives.
7. Let us remain true companions, committed only to each other.
At the reception, Shriya wears a full SAMAVAI outfit: palazzo pants, a vest, and blazer, accessorized with Bhavya Ramesh sunglasses and nail caps, and heels from Rejina Pyo. Jack wears an Amaare kurta and vest.
Finally, the couple’s reception took place at Calamigos Ranch, with Shriya adorned in full SAMAVAI palazzo pants, a velvet top, and blazer, and Jack wearing a kurta and vest from Amaare. As Shriya and Jack stepped into their married life, they did so with a deep understanding of the traditions they were both honoring and reimagining. Their wedding was more than just a personal milestone—it was a space where South Asian culture and queer identity were able to coexist, creating a blueprint for future couples who don’t see themselves reflected in the mainstream. “There’s no guidebook, there’s no precedent,” Shriya says, “but we’ve created our own.” ❂