Loving Ourselves, Loving Each Other: Sundeep Morrison and Ragni Agarwal

Ragni Agarwal (she/her), an Indian multidisciplinary artist from Los Angeles, is the founder of RAD Studio and VP of Design at a tech startup. Sundeep Morrison (they/them), a Queer, Non-binary Punjabi Sikh actor, writer, and director from Canada, is the creator of short film Your Love (2023) and author of Lady Bitch Whore. 

“You’re in it with us. You’re in our space of play and creation.” With these words, Sundeep Morrison and Ragni Agarwal welcome me into their world on a Thursday morning from Ragni’s vibrant home studio in Los Angeles. 

The two friends have discovered a profound kinship in each other. Their serendipitous meeting happened in 2017 at a Swet Shop Boys concert. Since then, their bond has spanned the realms of creation, sisterhood, soulfulness, and community. Their latest collaboration, originating from a No Borders event in LA last year, is Meet me in Begumpura: a dreamy, fierce collection of paintings paired with a poem. 

Sundeep’s poem invokes Begumpura, the ‘land without sorrow’ – a utopian society free from caste, class, and state oppression, envisioned by poet Guru Ravidas around 500 years ago. “What’s a place where…I could find respite? What would that look like?” Sundeep says,  “Where my queer siblings could feel freedom and autonomy. Where we’re not practicing the supremacy and regurgitating the hierarchy of caste? That’s what inspired the poem, especially with what continues to go on in the world right now.”

Ragni’s accompanying painting of a Devi, part of her series of deified works, celebrates collective liberation and reflects her thoughts on the South Asian diaspora before colonization, when society embraced the ideals of gender nonconformity, queerness, and freedom. “My Devis were born out of that. They’re never going to belong to one skin color. They’re never going to belong to one gender, because it could be any gender you want it to be. They’re going to wear all the colors of the world because I don’t believe in any of these lines that we’ve drawn. My Devis…could be anyone. They could be all of us.”

Meet me in Begumpura has a home in the deepest and most authentic parts of its creators, who approach life with openness. Sundeep and Ragni are rebellious, liberated, loving, curious, fierce, and, now, in their early 40s, unapologetically themselves. 

As we talk about childhoods, artistry, and the decisions that eventually brought them together, I witness their joy in learning more about one another. 

Ragni Agarwal, photographed by Manni Singh.

Along with her Southern California upbringing, Ragni was shaped by her summers in India, many of which she spent at a music boarding school in Bombay. She recalls always being proud of her Indian heritage; a contrast to the common diasporic shame many South Asian kids feel when they’re young. “I never went through a period where I wanted to be white,” she says, “Maybe I also just got lucky because I didn’t experience a lot of bullshit around me, or maybe I was naive and didn’t notice it was happening.” 

After attending Boston University and returning to California, Ragni began a graphic design career in the tech industry, which proved to be successful but unfulfilling. “My soul was dying in tech…there was a side to me that wasn't being expressed. I basically stopped creating.” Her life changed when she lost her job and sank into a deep depression. It was then that she began her artistry. “I just started drawing and posting it online to see if anyone resonated with the mental health stuff I was going through. And people did.” Now, as a practicing artist, Ragni’s creations explore themes of mental health and body image. 

Sundeep Morrison, photographed by Manni Singh.

Growing up in Calgary, Sundeep was raised in a traditional Punjabi Sikh household. Their grandmother, or Biji, played an important role in nurturing Sundeep’s relationship to their culture. She also inspired Sundeep’s love of storytelling, and was one of the first people in Sundeep’s life to affirm their queerness. “Everything good in me is because of her,” Sundeep says. They recall the turmoil in feeling equally masc and femme, but in their process of becoming, they also knew what they wanted their life to look like. 

“I always knew that I wanted to be an artist and a mom.” Sundeep’s Biji encouraged them to be whoever they wanted to be in the world. Despite their parents' plans for them, Sundeep secretly auditioned for the American Musical and Dramatic Academy in New York and was accepted. “It shaped me, it liberated me, it broke me so I could rebuild who I was. I wasn’t anybody’s daughter. I wasn’t anybody’s sister. I could just be me.” Now, Sundeep has been in California for almost 20 years, raising two kids and continuing to tell stories.

Over an hour long conversation, the two creators tell me about their deep-rooted friendship, what they mean to one another, and how this relationship shaped the work that is Begumpura.  

No Borders: Who are you?

Ragni: It’s a lifelong question. But I think in my 42nd year of life, I feel way more confident in who that is than ever before. I am an artist, and I don't just mean that with what I do and what I create. I also just mean that with how I live my life.

I try to question everything I've been taught and forced to be or forced to not be, and really just step into what I believe we should be in society, which is to be whoever we want to be. 

Sundeep: I'm a storyteller at my core, whether that's on the page, in front of the camera, or behind it. That is a big part of my soul journey – to also sit with the stories I've been telling myself and break out of those narratives. I think that for me, we're born into this beautiful, nuanced culture, but there's so much that comes with it as well in terms of identity. So we grow up hearing stories of who we should be and how we should be. For me, personally, that clouded a lot of my true identity. You think of all the parts you had to kill of yourself in order to survive, and all the parts [you] had to make smaller. 

Now, in my forties…I feel like I am comfortable in my story. And I know it's going to change, but that's how I try to move in life. And then also question the stories too…I think I have a lot more open curiosity now. 

NB: You both mentioned being open and curious, and questioning everything. Can you speak on how that came to be – do you feel like you have always been curious or is that something that developed over time?

Ragni: I think I always was, as a child. There were definitely years in my twenties where I really tried to fit a mold of what I was supposed to be. A good, desi daughter that's a professional, that's trying to get the wedding and the kids and the house and the picket fence… be a good citizen, don’t question a lot, don't bring a lot of attention to yourself. And it kind of broke me, because I couldn't do it…I just felt super shitty, and then I was like, maybe I'm not shitty at the life I'm supposed to lead.

Sundeep: Yeah, we would have been friends as kids. 

Ragni: Oh, we would have been. 

Sundeep: Early on, even before I had the words for my identity, I knew that I was different. I was not the quintessential proper Punjabi Sikh daughter my parents envisioned or wanted. That's the truth. And so, I knew as a kid that I didn't fit that bill.

For me, I remember as a kid, watching and seeing that there were two sets of justice, one for boys, one for girls. There were two sets of expectations. It was almost like this paradigm; and seeing all the unfairness, and then also having to navigate the duality of being a South Asian kid, a Punjabi kid growing up in Canada immersed in white culture. So, I think the questioning for me was born out of inherently never belonging to one space fully.

NB: How do you find the courage to change the ‘status quo’?

Ragni: When I was young, it was just innate. In adulthood, it became survival. I didn’t do it for many years and I basically was killing myself slowly. I want[ed] to live. But I [had] to figure out a better way.

Sundeep: For me, for so long, I felt like I could never live in the full expression of me. Courage for me is fueled by community. Souls like Ragni. My love for her just as a human being, as a sister, but also as an artist, is so deep. I think that for souls like us when we're immersed in creative community, we water each other because we get each other on a really deep level. 

I think it's hard to live in the full expression of yourself because then you have to question who you are, right? You have to sit with what you're really wanting to do. To echo what Ragni said, courage is part of that survival of just wanting to live in the fullest expression of ourselves when, for so long, we were told we couldn’t. 

Ragni: One other element of it for me is that I’m the oldest of three girls. I’m very close to my sisters. I also have acquired many sisters; I acquire them wherever I go. [Laughs]. So, I feel like I have seen other people do that in front of me, and that’s helped me to do it for myself. I want to be that for other people as well. 

Sundeep: You are a connector of people. I’m not super close to my blood family for a myriad of reasons, so for souls like me who are hungry for kinship and siblinghood, you are such a beautiful part of chosen family.

NB: Who are you to each other?

Ragni: There's something to be said about the friendships you find later in life when you're finally becoming who you are. When you’re finally understanding how to express yourself, how to not diminish yourself, how to really step into your own power. You haven't known me in a time where I didn't feel comfortable in myself.

Sundeep: Yeah. 

Ragni: So that means you’ve only ever gotten the most me me. You’ve gotten the Ragni that I feel most comfortable in. And that’s amazing. I can't even describe how I feel about you (Sundeep) because I love creating with you, but I also just feel like you're my family. 

Sundeep: I love you. The tears are flowing. 

For me, the love that I have for this human being [gestures to Ragni] is really deep. I was a weird, awkward kid, and I think weirdness is a superpower but I had such trouble making friends. Even in my adult life, it's hard. I carry this friendship so deeply. And to me, you are radical fucking joy. You’re joy, but you are also a deep source of inspiration. I think if we had met at a younger juncture, when we were trudging through the bullshit of figuring out who the fuck we were, we would have been thick as thieves, but now, to meet each other while we're both in the full expression of ourselves, it's pretty fucking cool, right?

Ragni: One of the things I’ve been working on is this project called Kitty Party. It’s an ode to how important friendship is to me. I value it deeply. I think friendship is a space where both people allow each other to be themselves and be seen, and help shape the other person as well, through that love. I don't think you need a million friends. Even if you have one or two solid friends, you are very lucky. 

Sundeep: When you know what it means to be the kid with your face pressed up against the glass, and you’re like, where do I belong? When you know what it means to be other and an outsider, you don't want anybody to ever feel like that, right? So when you find your community, it’s a lifeline. For me, friendship isn’t just the happy, rosy stuff. It’s who you bask in the sun with, but also who you can get in the weeds with. 

NB: What have you learned from one another?

Ragni: There’s a lot. I think Sundeep is just really unapologetic about being themselves. And that is beautiful. I think mothers in general are just the best people. I can barely take care of myself, so the fact that you care for other humans is always mind blowing to me. You’re always such a great cheerleader – I think you do that for yourself, so youre able to do that for other people. I just admire you for being you. 

Sundeep: I love you, Rags. Rags is like… a constellation. 

Ragni: She’s so good with words. 

Sundeep: I think you meet these souls that shine, and Ragni inspires me as an artist to be fearless, and show up in my fullness. The other thing is that you remind me to play. I think it’s so important to play. So I feel like my little Sundeep and her little Ragni get to kick it, but our shit is centered in joy and that’s what you remind me to do – to show up fearlessly, to create, to be bold, and to play. 

We’re here to also play while we’re navigating these meat suits on this floating blue rock! You just inspire the fuck out of me. You really do, I’m deeply inspired by you. Your art and your heart. ❤︎

Ragni Agarwal and Sundeep Morrison for No Borders Journal. Photos by Manni Singh.